Somebody's Truth

Supernatural 5 x 08, "Changing Channels"

2009-11-06T05:38:03Z

Considering this entry, it is so amusing that I have reached 666 entries on this journal. Because,

-The opening alone was worth watching. SAM AND DEAN = LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, TRUFAX. WHICH IS WHICH?

-Lou Ferrigno is Dean's Incredible Hulk! "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Ah, fond memories.

-DR. SEXY MD! I've watched like one episode ever of Grey's Anatomy, but somehow I think they nailed it.

-DEAN IS DR. SEXY'S #1 FAN, Y/Y?

-*makes note to add sewing needle, dental floss and fifth of whiskey to first aid kit*

-Sam makes a pretty good Dr. Sexy stand-in if I do say so myself. ;-D

-HERPEXIA! After Supernatural ends, Jensen Ackles could make a killing doing voiceovers for TV ads.

-Japanese game show! How could they *not* recognize what those balls were in front of, er, their crotch?

-Oh, Dean, answering "yes" to the question if his mother and father would still be alive had Sam never been born. :-( You didn't know, honey, I know you didn't mean that.

-Uhm, the 70s called, they want their eye-bleeding colors back.

-CSI! Sunglasses at night! Complete with CGI! 1000x funnier after having seen the House "CSI Princeton" gag reel a week or so back.

-OK, so whomever in SPN fandom coined "Sampala", I love you.

-Jared Padalecki would make an awesome replacement for KITT's voice if Knight Rider were to be remade again.

-Yes, show, we are all twelve. "Feeling uncomfortable" AHAHAHAHA I bet.

-Dean figured out the Trickster was an angel simply by recognizing the anger. Intriguing thought. Never expected it'd be Gabriel, though. The ignored middle child who just wants family harmony and runs away to escape the incessant fighting. :-(

-Yes, yet another anvil of Dean = Michael and Sam = Lucifer. Which only proves that John Winchester will return as God's vessel, and the war will be won because John decides to smack the boys' heads together.

-Next week's preview. SAM AND DEAN AT A CON. If tonight's episode broke my funny bone, next week's could be EPIC.

A House fic rec

2009-11-05T22:15:44Z

Yes, I know I'm spamming today, but this fic deserves as much attention as it can get:

Slipping by mellamomuyloco, PG-13, House, Taub (Taub/Kutner and House/Wilson implied, but it reads like gen). One little slip - "you can't feel that much guilt without love" - and House thinks he might have his answers.

This is a gorgeous look into Taub's (and House's) guilt over Kutner during 5 x 20, "A Simple Explanation." It has a pitch-perfect Taub voice, so vivid and well-written that I could easily see him confronting House like this in the episode. Go read!

baaaaaaa

2009-11-05T18:06:07Z

Stealing from jazzypom, a sort of DVD mini-commentary meme:

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from anything I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

Because you all should know by now how much I love to natter on. :-)

This is driving me batty.

2009-11-05T17:48:17Z

Massive brain fail follows. :-\

I swear I read, or at least I saw once upon a time, a fic called "A Lexicon of Love and Loss." I want to say it was Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius, but I just. Cannot. Remember. Where or when I saw it. It might have been a different fandom altogether, which is entirely possible. I put in a request at accio_rs_fics, but... does anyone remember a fic with this title anywhere? Anyone? ...Bueller?

Why I ask is because I love that title like a mad, mad thing. I might want to use it sometime, and I don't want to encroach on anything.

EDIT: Found over at accio_rs_fics by cindergal, and here by swatkat24! I was one word off. The title is actually A Lexicon of Faith and Loss by musesfool. At least my brain isn't totally made of fail, heh. LJ fandom, how I love thee. Thank you both!

Yee-ha! AKA the roundup.

2009-11-03T00:32:46Z

So, October has a writing roundup!

Remembering Amber, House, gen, PG-13, 151 words. House's thoughts while watching Wilson walk down the hall at the end of "Wilson's Heart." In villanelle form.
-If I thought sestinas were obsessive in their form, they ain't got nuthin' on the villanelle. On one hand, once you have your repeating lines and rhymes down, half the poem is already done. On the other hand, keeping the constant repetition from overpowering the poem is really difficult.

Song Title Drabbles:
-I Still Haven't Found (What I'm Looking For), PG-13, Torchwood, Jack Harkness (CoE spoilers), 108 words;
-Making Love (Out of Nothing at All), R, House, House/Cuddy (UMS and BSN spoilers), 107 words;
-On Saturday Afternoons (in 1963), PG, House, gen, 105 words.
-I tried to reflect the song lyrics in the drabbles as well as events/themes from canon, which I think actually worked. At least, I was happy with the outcomes. (Yes, so 1980s schlock rock may figure heavily on my XMMS playlist. I like my playlist. So there.)

Stealth Karma, House, PG, House and Wilson friendship/pre-slash, PG. A missing scene to explain House waking up on the couch in 6 x 05, "Instant Karma." 802 words.
-Another attempt to break the icy grip of writer's block, using a kisslet prompt I got waaaaay back in January: "Cold hands, warm heart," suggested by photoash. And, totally unexpectedly, blackmare_9 and leakey_lover wrote fics to accompany it: Caught (Stealth Karma Redux) and Stealth Karma Aloft, respectively!

Almost Ideal, Lie to Me, PG-13, Cal/Gillian, 1321 words. A post-ep scene for 2 x 04, "Honey."
-New fandom and new characters to play with! Some seriously heavy flirting has been going on here. (We may have started dating. There may even be more LtM fic being written as we speak. Let's see how it goes.)

So, I posted 6 fics this month, and 2594 words. I'll take it! \0/

More to say, but I have to organize thoughts, eat dinner, and watch House/Lie to Me.

I'm just floored, you guys!

2009-10-31T05:06:31Z

So, once upon a time I wrote a House and Wilson kisslet fic called Stealth Karma.

Then, blackmare_9 wrote a lovely companion for it called Caught (Stealth Karma Redux).

And now, leakey_lover has written a gorgeous Amber-based ficlet to go with, too! Stealth Karma Aloft offers Amber's commentary on the kiss. Her voice is pitch-perfect; it's like she's right there beside you calling the shots. Go and read!

I am, I am just floored. Thank you, love. (((hugs)))

Aaaand... welcome to unpopular fandom opinions.

2009-10-30T18:03:28Z

I've kept meaning to do this for months, but it always slips my mind. It's about transformative works. Fan fiction is transformative; we take a source canon and change it, make it our own. Sometimes others see something in a fanfic that pings them, makes them want to explore it further. We don't ask TPTB permission to write fanfic. It's long been fandom courtesy to ask permission of fan writers to use their OCs, ideas, etc. I just want to make things easier. So, to crib shamelessly from queenzulu, I'm instituting this policy re my fan work, from now on:

Everything I have written is fair game for further transformative works. This includes, but is not limited to, podfic, remixes, sequels, meta, criticism, and commentaries. Please credit me for the work that I did, and link me if you get a chance! (Yes, please!)

So, blanket permission! Go wild! :-D

Now, to the main part of my post.

Sometimes I see terms like boyslash, girlslash, boykissing, boysex, used to refer to fandom pairings. They're lighthearted, they're fun, they're part of fannish squee. That said, every time I see them, they drive me up the wall a little. It took me a while to articulate the reason to myself, but now I have, and I'm ready to talk about it.

So, why do these fandom terms bug me so much? Because I think they are, unintentionally, ageist.

I'm going to be 40 next week, and this may be why it's on my mind so much. Ah, 40, such a watershed... I digress. I don't know the average vs median age of fans. If anyone can point me towards some fannish age statistics which will confirm or rebuke my assumptions, I'd be grateful. I want to say that a majority of fans fall in their late teens to mid 20s, there's a sizeable minority in their late 20s to early 30s, then it tails off. Fandom is skewed toward younger people, it always will be, I accept that.

My problem with these terms is some of the connotations of the word "boy" (or "girl"). Here are the top 5 definitions for "boy," cribbed from Dictionary.com:

- a male child, from birth to full growth, esp. one less than 18 years of age.
- a young man who lacks maturity, judgment, etc.
- Informal. a grown man, esp. when referred to familiarly: He liked to play poker with the boys.
- a son: Sam's oldest boy is helping him in the business.
- a male who is from or native to a given place.

Now, I see these terms used for popular fandom pairings whose characters are in their 40s and 50s. They're adult characters who've been around the block. These folks are usually portrayed at the height of their careers, which generally doesn't happen until their 40s. In the fandoms I play/ed in, characters are/have been married, divorced; some are parents, of teenagers at that. They are not boys, or girls, and it kinda bugs me to see them referred that way--as if their life experiences don't count.

I see these boy/girl terms used by fans whom I know are passionate about combating racism, sexism, heterosexism in fandom. Whom I also know are in their 20s. I see fans my age and older using those terms too. I assume it doesn't bother them. But it bothers me. It shouldn't, but it does.

I ask myself why these terms are so popular. Yeah, yeah, mountain out of molehill, etc, you're just being too sensitive, Topaz, it's not about you so deal with it. But I also wonder at times, if there may be an unconscious privilege of youth working to redefine these characters, to make them feel closer to their own age, to identify better with them. I wonder if there's some unconscious discomfort in younger fans loving adult characters--or fantasizing about sex between said characters--who are, in some cases, old enough to be their parents. Ironically, I do think their age plays a big part in why they're so appealing; their experience defines them as characters, and and least some of that has been garnered through age.

What's more, is that there are other perfectly acceptable fandom terms which don't feel so ageist. There are m/m, f/f, f/m, slash, het, femslash. (Re boyfriend and girlfriend: I don't like those words either, but we don't have any other words in English which can stand in for dating relationships between adults.)

I'm probably being ageist myself, damn kids get offa my lawn and all that. I accept that. I'm probably reading too much into the terms, because I know they're used fondly, in fun. And, I'm guilty of using them, too. That said, what I wish fans of all ages would realize, is that using terms like girlslash and boykissing for characters my age (and older), seems to (unintentionally) make those characters a little less valued sometimes. For me, it makes me feel less visible as a fan approaching middle age; and I identify with and love these characters too.

F-list, please forgive me, I don't mean to be critical of those of you who use these terms. And God knows, I'm not asking anyone to stop using them. This is just me being grumpy. Grumpy and old, heh.

And yet another reason why my f-list is the best ever

2009-10-26T19:52:45Z

Take a look at this!

Caught (Stealth Karma Redux) by blackmare_9, House and Wilson friendship. It's a remix (remix!) of my ficlet Stealth Karma. Here, Mare tells House's side of the story. It's gorgeous, with beautiful, poignant imagery, and it's a perfect companion. Go read!

Lie to Me Fan Fiction: "Almost Ideal"

2009-10-25T02:20:09Z

Almost Ideal

by Topaz Eyes

Pairing: Cal/Gillian
Rating: PG
Summary: A post-ep scene for 2 x 04, "Honey."
Disclaimer: Owned by Samuel Baum et al. Sadly I am neither et nor al.
Words: 1319
Notes: Un-beta'ed. First fic in this fandom! So concrit is *greatly* encouraged.

After the smoke and noise of the singles bar, Gillian's condo felt bright and peaceful when he walked on in. She shut the door against the cold night air and locked it, brushing his arm when she passed by.

Cal stood alone in the hallway for a moment, gratefully breathing in the fragrance of furniture polish and floral potpourri. As awkward as it was, it was good to be here. He needed to know she was okay. Inviting himself over was the best way to confirm that she was.

He found her sitting curled up on one end of her couch, her feet tucked beneath her, when he entered the living room. A journal lay spread open beside a half-full glass of wine on the table.

Cal kept his voice purposely light. "So--what was I interrupting?"

"Nothing. I was just catching up on reading some papers." Gillian looked down and away, hands twisting in her lap.

"Best way to fall asleep I've ever found, reading those things," Cal said. The sound of Gillian's knowing chuckle reverberated straight through him.

After a moment she looked up, her mouth upturned, shadows around her eyes. "How was the singles bar?"

He spread his hands wide. "What can you expect? A couple of drinks, a bit of chit-chat. Everyone checks each other out, hopes to hook up."

She nodded. "Did you meet anyone?"

He shrugged in reply. He knew Gillian could read that.

She didn't fail him. "And you're here because you couldn't 'hook up' with her?"

"No," he said, "I'm here because I could have."

Gillian's eyes widened. "Oh?"

He paused: too raw, too much. He quickly deflected. "Look, I meant it when I said, we'll take on whatever case you think is suitable. I promise I won't complain."

"Much."

"All right, I promise I won't complain when you're around."

"That's more like it." Gillian stifled a yawn. "Sorry, it is late, I really should--"

"I know. Don't mean to keep you up." He pointed towards the kitchen. "Can I get a glass of milk?"

"You know where it is."

Cal fled to the kitchen, knowing full well he was running away from her again, though at least it wasn't very far this time. He busied himself with fetching the jug of milk from the fridge, the glass from the cupboard beside--anything to relieve the knot in his chest that had started the minute he'd left the Honey girl at the bar.

Or, if he were completely honest with himself, the knot that had started when Gillian asked Matheson to let him go.

He splashed some milk over the side as he poured. He cursed at the slight tremor in his hand; he wiped the ring up with the dishrag hung over the sink tap. He braced himself on the edge of the counter, picked up his milk; the glass was cold, slick with condensation.

"Cal."

He looked up at her voice, regarded her over the rim; Gillian leaned on the door jamb, her arms wrapped around her middle. Her gaze was soft and open; a small, enigmatic smile played around the corners of her mouth.

"Do you have something to tell me?"

He lowered the glass; the knot in his chest tightened at the gentleness in her voice. The real question is whether or not I'm her ideal man. He shook his head, held her gaze. "No," he said quietly, "not yet."

She cocked her head, her eyebrow raised, but to his relief she didn't press further. After a minute she nodded, seemingly to herself, and heaved herself off the jamb.

"Good night, Cal." She turned and left the kitchen.

"G'night, love," he called after her, and drained his glass.

He remained where he was, hitched on the edge of the countertop with his head bowed, waiting for Gillian to finish in the bathroom. He listened to the flow of water through the pipes, the muffled sounds of her unfamiliar evening bedtime routine. He wouldn't mind at all if he became acquainted with it at some point. In due time.

He didn't leave the kitchen until he heard one door open and another close. Walking down the hallway, he noted the crack of light under Gillian's door as he passed by. In the bathroom he leaned on the vanity, stared at himself in the mirror, the telltale bags of stress under his eyes. He doubted either of them would sleep well tonight. Looking down, he saw she'd left a few things out for him by the sink, the toothbrush still in its wrapping and an unopened tube of toothpaste, beside a small pot of unscented moisturizing cream that was definitely hers. He picked up the pot, felt its cool smoothness, the weight of it in his palm.

Her light was still on when he exited the bathroom almost half an hour later. He paused at her door, his hand already raised to knock, but he checked himself just before his knuckles reached the wood. No, it wouldn't do, he didn't have the right yet to invite himself into her sanctuary. He looked away and headed towards Gillian's spare room.

He stood in front of the neatly-made double bed, the bedroom in near-total darkness save for a hint of streetlight from behind the window drapery. He stared at the floor for a very long moment, blinking back a sudden sting behind his eyes. He then drew a huge breath, withdrew his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open and keyed in a number.

Zoe picked up on the second ring. "It's eleven-thirty, Cal, why are you calling this late?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "Is Emily there?"

"She's asleep. I'm not going to wake her." She paused. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, sure," he forced cheerfully. "I just wanted to call--tell her I love her for me, will ya? When you see her tomorrow?"

He could see Zoe's face pinch in worry on the other end, hear the soft concern in her voice. "What's happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He winced at the strained pitch in his words, wrestled his voice under control. "No need to worry, had a rough day is all. Just--pass along the message?"

"Of course. Look, if you need anything--"

"Believe me, I'll let you know. 'Bye." He snapped the phone shut before Zoe could reply.

He lowered the cell with a shaking hand, tried to squash the images playing like a movie reel in his head. He knew how highly strung some of their cases got--emotion was what they dealt with, after all--but he didn't think he could bear another day like today. The press of the gun muzzle flush against his temple, the sight of Gillian at the door of the lab, her eyes wide and wet as she begged for his life.

He doubted she would refuse him if he barged into her bedroom right at this instant. They had every right, every reason, to seek solace in each other tonight. Extenuating circumstances, she'd be the first to understand--

It was exactly the thing he knew he shouldn't do. The line was there for a reason. The least he could do for her was respect it until she was ready.

Cal stripped down to T-shirt and boxers, letting his clothes drop in a heap onto the floor, and climbed into bed. He drew the bedclothes tight around him, grabbed the extra pillow and curled around it under the comforter. He detected the hint of Gillian's scent on the pillowcase; he burrowed his nose into it, breathed it in, let the sense memories slowly loosen the knot in his chest: the lingering warmth of her arms clasped firmly around him, her body solid and real in his embrace.

She was under the same roof and just one room over. That was enough for tonight.

This is kinda awesome.

2009-10-22T15:19:49Z

I first saw this on Fandom Lounge. I've always thought that football should just go to the birds, and now I've been vindicated:

That scene from House 6 x 06, "Brave Heart"

2009-10-21T18:27:32Z

Wherein Topaz reveals the extent of her cold, black heart...

I think I am the only one in House fandom who is not taken at all by the deleted scene about House and his dad. Yes, it was sweet, we got to see a young, innocent House having a good time with John. But it was an unnecessary scene and I'm glad they cut it. Too much exposition, you see, like the med student's comment about House and Cuddy. Of course House had good times with John. I didn't need to see it to know that was true.

To me it's always been obvious how much House loved (still loves) his father. His wistful admission to Gabe in 3 x 07, "Son of Coma Guy": I’d want him to say, "You were right. You did the right thing”, said it all. I never thought that had to be stated outright in a childhood scene, y'know? I believe if you (in general) hate someone that much, there has to be a little love mixed in there too.

Sorry. I have all 3 of my critters home with the flu today, which is making me unsettled and grumpier than usual.

Brief thoughts on House 6 x 06, "Brave Heart"

2009-10-20T17:41:51Z

I have no real addition to what everyone else has said about "Brave Heart," except I don't know which was more heartbreaking: that Wilson was talking to Amber, or that House caught Wilson talking to Amber. The look of bewilderment and loss on House's face damn near slayed me.

Also, a thought occurred to me regarding Wilson's upcoming arc, why TPTB are dealing with the Amber fallout now. I'm thinking that House is finally at a point where he doesn't need Wilson's constant support, so they can feel safe in letting Wilson crumble. We saw a little bit of Wilson's cracking veneer last season in "The Greater Good" and "The Social Contract," then all hell broke loose with House. It'll be interesting to watch House try to hold Wilson together. :-D

Totally unrelated: I may be committing Lie to Me fic. We shall see how that goes.

House Kisslet: "Stealth Karma"

2009-10-19T04:38:50Z

Here, have some unmitigated fluff for a Sunday night.

Stealth Karma

by Topaz Eyes

Pairing: House/Wilson friendship or pre-slash, depending on how the goggles fit
Rating: PG
Summary: A missing scene to explain House waking up on the couch in 6 x 05, "Instant Karma."
Disclaimer: Owned by David Shore et al; sadly I am neither et nor al.
Words: 800
Notes: From a long-ago kisslet prompt by photoash, who suggested "cold hands, warm heart."

It's past eleven when Wilson finally makes it back home from the hospital with another two hours' worth of paperwork straining his briefcase. The apartment is dark and silent when Wilson opens the front door, though House's motorcycle is parked out front as usual. It's uncharacteristic for House, who normally likes to wait up when Wilson works late, just to rub it in.

Wilson drops the briefcase onto the welcome mat, flips on the hall light, hoping that House decided to retire early. When he scans the living room, it doesn't take long to track down House's whereabouts; he's crashed on the couch, seemingly out cold.

"Great," Wilson murmurs, "just great." Possum-playing bastard.

The thermostat setback has already kicked in; the room temperature is a chilly sixty-five degrees. House can't be comfortable in the cool air, lying there in just a T-shirt, socks and jeans: though with his hands folded on his stomach and head turned to one side on the cushion, it's hard to tell.

Yet House doesn't open his eyes when he approaches. Wilson rounds the couch, peers down, covers House's hands with his own to check. His skin is rough, dry and cold to the touch. House frowns and shifts a bit under the pressure, but doesn't stir otherwise.

Wilson stands contemplating the scene for a moment, whether to wake him and send him off to bed so he can use the dining table to finish his monthly reports. Except he knows, forcing him upright at this hour would only rouse him to full consciousness. He'd then stay up the rest of the night, fill it with restless cane thumps and murmured television.

In the end, Wilson decides it'd be kinder to leave him there. He goes to fetch a fleece blanket from the hall closet.

A minute later Wilson returns with the bundle in his arms; he kneels, spreads the blanket over House. Gently he tugs it over his feet, tucks it in loosely around his neck. House sighs and slides deeper into the couch cushions. The forgiving glow of the hall lamp highlights the silver in House's temples and beard, smooths the lines around his eyes; catches the tiny, glistening pool of moisture gathered at the corner of his mouth. It's--endearing, if such a word could be used to describe it; so much so, that Wilson has to squash an insane urge to tousle House's hair.

Wilson wishes he had his digital camera on-hand to take pictures, bear witness to this vulnerability that House hardly ever shows. Don't forget about the blackmail fodder, his inner devil's advocate--the one who sounds exactly like House--suggests gleefully.

Wilson's tempted to. He would, in fact, if he knew where House had hid his camera in the first place.

He checks himself before he gets up to look. If House found out--and Wilson knows just how uncanny House's prank detection powers are--it would be Wilson's head Photo-shopped over a sleeping baby's face and plastered over Princeton-Plainsboro's bulletin boards first. Another occupational hazard of having this abrasive jackass for a best friend: House plays practical jokes to the death.

He's going to be the death of me, Wilson thinks. At that he smiles to himself, realizing that the notion has lost its ability to disturb him anymore. In fact, his resignation to his fate feels as comfortable and lived-in as his McGill sweatshirt. After everything between them--everything they've gained, and lost, and gained again--he wouldn't have it any other way.

The impulse comes out of nowhere. Before he second-guesses himself about it, he leans down and presses his lips just above House's eyebrow, a soft, feather-light kiss. Wilson doesn't care how far beyond crazy this goes from the previous urge he'd squelched. He simply lets his guards down, lets the warm flood of affection towards this impossible man overwhelm him.

It lasts only a moment, however; beneath his lips, Wilson feels the puzzled wrinkles form on House's forehead. He draws back, his cheeks flaming; fully expecting House's eyes to fly open, to catch him in this act of stealth tenderness. It doesn't happen, though, much to his relief. He rises, pads to the hall to switch off the light, then heads to the bathroom. He's too tired. The damn paperwork can wait until morning.

At daylight, when Wilson stumbles out of the bedroom, House is still asleep on the couch, curled on his side beneath the blanket. Wilson takes care not to disturb him during his morning routine. Wilson glances at the business section, notes the headline announcing a billionaire's bankruptcy, giving up everything for the sake of his son. Wilson well knows what that means. So he leaves the newspaper by House's pillow, for when he wakes up, and heads out the door.

Go me! (and drabbles)

2009-10-15T22:02:42Z

1. I signed up for house_bigbang!

2. I nominated 6 fandoms for yuletide! I guess this means I've committed myself to playing this year. :-D

3. Miss Topaz's fangirl training is proceeding right on schedule--she is now catching up on watching S1 of Supernatural! I'm so proud. :-)

4. My brain and I are still not playing well together, though it is better than last week. I'm trying to write something every day, even if it is a drabble. Of course, my mind immediately starts to whisper, wouldn't it be cool to set up a multifandom drabble-a-day challenge comm? Or a multifandom poetry challenge comm to celebrate National Poetry Month next April?

5. So. Drabbles. I wrote 3 in the last 3 days, based on song titles. They're also based on the song lyrics so there will be images, phrases or lines in the drabbles, obviously used without permission. I aimed for 10, but hey, I'm happy to take what I can get. Drabbles, which I shall post now, so I can toddle off and try a potato-leek soup recipe for dinner tonight. Mmm, soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, sounds goooood...

~~~~~

I Still Haven't Found (What I'm Looking For)
(music by U2, lyrics by Bono)

Fandom: Torchwood (Jack/Ianto implied)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Children of Earth

It's been six months now that Jack's been running. Mountains, fields, city walls; he's climbed, run and scaled them all, searching for anything in the alien crowds to break the bonds of memory. He'd waged war and saved a world's worth of children, but at the cost of what might have been his only shots at true immortality: love, and legacy, and he'd wasted them both.

When he returns to Earth he sees them reflected in Gwen's radiant face and her swollen belly. It's then he realizes, there's no more Kingdom Come; at least, not for him.

Jack keeps running.

~~~~~

Making Love (Out of Nothing at All)
(music and lyrics by Jim Steinman)

Fandom: House (House/Cuddy)
Rating: R
Spoilers: 5 x 23, "Under My Skin," and 5 x 24, "Both Sides Now"

"I always want to kiss you."

So House does, desperate and needy, until they're naked in his bed, where he cups her hips, nuzzling her breasts when she leans down. He lets her set the rhythm, one he's missed for twenty years too long. He's never been good with the words that matter, not with Cuddy; all he hopes is that his body will speak for him with each kiss and thrust. He finds his answer in the perfect "o" of Cuddy's mouth when she comes; in the lipstick talisman next morning after she's gone--

The answer, that never was.

~~~~~

On Saturday Afternoons (in 1963)
(music and lyrics by Rickie Lee Jones)

Fandom: House
Rating: PG
Spoilers: none

The year House turned three, his family moved to Britain, just in time for its coldest winter in recent memory. It snowed for two months straight; his chubby legs were unable to traverse the twelve-foot drifts without help. House spent whole afternoons curled in the front room window, watching the snow fall: listening to the adults talk at tea, absorbing their secrets.

Forty-six years later, half a world away, House spends whole afternoons slouched in his office chair, sullenly contemplating those same snowflakes that drift onto his balcony. The only difference, is that the secrets he absorbs are his own.

House Fan Poetry: "Remembering Amber"

2009-10-10T16:59:52Z

It is official, I have the best f-list in the history of ever. Thank you, everyone. (((group tackle)))

Now, have a... House poem. This was started a few months back, just to see if I could make it work. Thoughts?

Remembering Amber

by Topaz Eyes

Pairing: gen (Wilson/Amber implied)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: House's thoughts while watching Wilson walk down the hall at the end of "Wilson's Heart." In villanelle form.
Disclaimer: Owned by David Shore et al. Sadly I am neither et nor al.
Words: 149
Notes: Written because nothing is quite so obsessive as repeating lines and rhymes over and over and over. Un-beta'ed.

In the end, this is what he'll remember,
Those retreating footsteps, heavy as stone.
(In the end, everything is colored amber.)

Nothing's on his face, not even anger,
But old words echo, "You'll only be alone
In the end." This is what he'll remember.

After six shots, forget about sober.
He called for that ride--but he should have known
In the end, everything is colored amber;

Her screams, all the faces drained of color.
A flash of red, the crack of breaking bone,
In the end this is what he'll remember:

The race against time to find the answer
Deep in his brain--the vial that only showed
In the end, everything is colored amber.

He was willing to die to make her better.
And even that was not enough to atone...
In the end, this is what he'll remember.
In the end, everything is colored Amber.

Look out, Beatles! There's a new game in town...

2009-10-05T19:44:40Z

Say what you will about Canada's Prime Minister, but who can't help but love Stephen Harper a little bit after watching this performance at a NAC gala? With Yo-Yo Ma, to boot?

So, should Stephen Harper arrange a jam session with other political leaders? :-D

Plus, I get a chance to use this icon. How cool is that?

What I really want to know is...

2009-09-30T18:26:35Z

If those who support Roman Polanski have, or have ever had, a daughter.

If said supporters ever pulled their heads out of their asses and imagined their little girls in Polanski's victim's place.

And then still claim to support him.

If they do, they don't deserve to have daughters. Or sons, for that matter.

Oh, and if anyone on my f-list does support Roman Polanski? Do us both a favor and defriend me post-haste. If you defend Polanski, an admitted, convicted child rapist because he's a great "artiste," you're not someone I really want to know.

IT IS DONE.

2009-09-28T21:56:30Z

My new and improved House Fan Fiction Rec List is up!

*collapses*

*revives*

This should learn me that waiting almost 2 years to update is Not A Bright Idea. God, I hate HTML coding. Who knew misplacing one tiny, single quote could screw an entire page up? *pfffft*

Anywho... over 1100 listed fics, 5 pages, major overhaul and expansion. See the new pretty and marvel ~~at my insanity~~!

My House Fan Fiction Rec List (Introduction with links to the recs). Now permanently post-dated to the top of my LJ.

Thank you to everyone for cheering me on! Believe me, it made it tons easier. (((hugs)))

Have not decided yet whether the next update should be to celebrate the 5th anniversary of House fic in December, or the 4th anniversary of said list in February. Hmmm. Or maybe I should be, you know, smart, and do both dates. Whatever. Either way it ain't gonna be another 22 months again.

crack_van looking for reccers

2009-09-26T20:03:08Z

crack_van is looking to add more full-time fandoms to its rec roster. House used to be on its full-fandom rotation but got demoted to featured fandom status last year because no one was volunteering to rec.

How it works: you volunteer to rec for one month. The month you're assigned, you make a specific number of fic recs in your fandom: at least 1 per week, up to 12 recs in the month. Further details are here. To obtain full-time status we would need at least 12 reccers lined up.

Let's try to get House back onto the full-time roster! We're as big as some of the full-time fandoms already there. Go here to comment. And pimp this out!

The home stretch, folks!

2009-09-26T18:43:48Z

The end is in sight! Starting today at 11:50 am:

352 / 459 fics. 77% done!

Now, at 12:45 pm:

388 / 459 fics. 85% done!

OMGOMGOMGSOCLOSE!

So, back to the grind at 2:15 pm. (Had to make lunch, etc. Girl's gotta eat, heh.)

Now at 3:25 pm:

436 / 459 fics. 95% done!

And the crowd goes wild!

It's 4:15 pm, and...

459 / 459 fics. 100% done!

All fics are entered into the spreadsheet! \0/\0/\0/

Still to do: Re-write the introduction. Add LJ-cut tags for easier navigating. Double-check a few things. I may have this up by Monday after all, if not sooner. YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

Progress round 4

2009-09-25T17:09:09Z

Today we start a little earlier, because I would like to have this ~~dragon slaughtered~~ rec list overhauled and up by the time the 2nd ep rolls round.

So, let us begin! We start at 11:10 am from where we left off yesterday:

202 / 459 fics. 44% done!

12:05 pm:

244 / 459 fics. 53% done!

W00t! On the downhill slope! Now to take a break to rest the fingers...

Back to the grind at 1:00 pm. At 1:50:

268 / 459 fics. 58% done!

It's now 3:30 pm:

316 / 459 fics. 69% done!

4:40 pm:

352 / 459 fics. 77% done!

We've rounded 3rd base and are on the final slide home!

Ratings and such

2009-09-25T00:17:54Z

I don't know if anyone's brought up the ratings for the House s6 premiere anywhere... Some hard numbers copy-pasta'ed from zap2it:

A two-hour "House" kept pace with "Dancing with the Stars" on Monday and carried FOX to a ratings win for the night. "Dancing" was off a bit from its fall premiere last year, CBS' comedies were solid, and "Heroes" -- and consequently "The Jay Leno Show" -- struggled for NBC.

FOX led the night with 16.5 million viewers and a 9.5 rating/14 share in households. ABC was a strong second with 14.8 million viewers and a 9.5/15. CBS (12 million, 7.5/12) finished third. NBC (5.9 million, 3.7/6) was a distant fourth, and The CW (2.3 million, 1.6/2) trailed.

"House" also fueled a demographic win for FOX, which posted a 6.5 rating among adults 18-49. CBS took second in the demo at 4.0, followed by ABC at 3.5. NBC averaged 2.4 and The CW 1.1.

Monday hour by hour:

8 p.m.

ABC: "Dancing with the Stars" season premiere (17.4 million viewers, 11.0/17 households)
FOX: "House" season premiere (15.8 million, 9.2/14)
CBS: "How I Met Your Mother" season premiere (9.2 million, 5.7/9)/"Accidentally on Purpose" series premiere (9 million, 5.7/8)
NBC: "Heroes" season premiere (6.3 million, 3.9/6)
The CW: "One Tree Hill" (2.5 million, 1.7/2)

18-49 leader: "House" (6.1)

9 p.m.

ABC: "Dancing with the Stars" (17.6 million, 11.3/17)
FOX: "House" (17.2 million (9.8/14)
CBS: "Two and a Half Men" season premiere (13.6 million, 8.5/12)/"The Big Bang Theory" season premiere (12.8 million, 7.8/11)
NBC: "Heroes" (5.8 million, 3.4/5)
The CW: "Gossip Girl" (2.1 million, 1.4/2)

18-49 leader: "House" (6.8)

10 p.m.

CBS: "CSI: Miami" season premiere (13.8 million, 8.7/14)
ABC: "Castle" season premiere (9.4 million, 6.2/10)
NBC: "The Jay Leno Show" (5.7 million, 3.8/6)

18-49 leader: "CSI: Miami" (4.3)

Ratings information includes live and same-day DVR viewing. All numbers are preliminary and subject to change.

Eeeeeenteresting... So I wonder how these will change in the coming weeks given the most recent casting spoiler: (Highlight to read) Cameron's being written out. Like this will end well.

ETA: Possible spoiler discussion in comments, read at your own risk.

Rec list o'doom, round three!

2009-09-24T20:35:11Z

The story so far:

After a ridiculously long 22-month hiatus, our heroine finally decided to conquer the beast of her procrastination and update that pesky House fic rec list o'doom. She cringed at the bleak number of 459 fics sitting in her Memories, but thought, dammit, she can do this. She must. She got out her trusty OpenOffice.org spreadsheet, her LJ memories, and started up the copypasta. Today will be Day 3 of her quest. (Tuesday will not be counted, as other matters occupied her brain.)

So, we begin at 2:35 pm today:

128 / 459 fics. 28% done!

4:25 pm:

165 / 459 fics. 36% done!

5:30 pm:

202 / 459 fics. 44% done!

I think that's it for today. Massive overhauling of the rec list is definitely in order.

Rec list o' doom fight continues...

2009-09-23T22:40:58Z

Fic rec list progress, because I can.

When we last left our plucky heroine, she had vanquished 20% of her behemoth backlog:

90 / 459 fics. 20% done!

After taking a well-deserved break to watch and digest the contents of the House season 6 premiere, it was back to the good fight, starting at 3:30 pm.

4:50 pm:

128 / 459 fics. 28% done!

Now, alas, other things call. Does she reach 50% tomorrow? 40%? 30%? Stay tuned!

My very late reactions to House 6 x 01, "Broken."

2009-09-23T21:18:10Z

I have to admit, I was leery about the premiere all summer long. We had the brilliance of "Under My Skin/Both Sides Now," and I thought, here's the turning point in House's life.

The promos during the summer damn near ruined it. Every time I saw a promo I found myself asking, do I really want to watch this? The whole "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" shtick, with all its implied stereotypes about mental illness and treatment, was, well, offensive. For a show that champions the National Association for Mental Illness, I thought it was a pretty poor marketing strategy. Not that the promos reflect the show. I know that. The campaign rubbed me raw all the same. Not only that but I was steeling myself against the fandom reaction because, you know, fandom.

So, I was ambivalent about watching, but watch I did. On first watch, my impression was--Okay. And? It felt too rushed, yet it dragged. I did think there was something there, but it hadn't jumped out yet.

Luckily the impression on 2nd watch was far more favorable. This is definitely one of those eps that must be watched repeatedly, because that's where its true strength lies, in its subtlety. (For the most part.) OMG, the parallels! How everything referred back and tied in! That I think was the real brilliance, how all the themes from the past 5 seasons played out and reinforced each other. What I noticed and loved:

1. The parallel with UMS when House decided against going to a detox centre because he knew he'd only play the system. In "Broken," what does he do but try to play the system. Still he fights himself. Really he's his own worst enemy.

2. The psych staff was right onto his games; they refused to give him the special snowflake treatment he's been accustomed to for too long. YES.

3. Oh, Wilson. That must have been fifteen different kinds of hell to hang up on House. But it was the right thing. (And YES on Nolan predicting this very phone call!)

4. Then House's comment to Alvie, "You're my only friend." OUCH.

5. Nolan pwning House at every turn! Holding House accountable for his actions while recognizing his admirable qualities! The look on House's face when Nolan informed him about the placebo = priceless. Dr. Nolan can be my psychiatrist any day.

6. Nolan recognizing that House's problems never were about the Vicodin. That it's not about the easy fix, it's about addressing the fundamental personality issues, which of course House has been hiding from at every turn. Thank you, writers, for not copping out here at least.

7. Freedom Master and how he acted as a foil to House--and catalyst for House finally giving a damn about himself. How Freedom Master embodied House's intuitive process by recognizing the locked-up music box as being key to regaining Annie's voice. How happy he was in his superhero delusion. How House himself was so upset at Dr. Medina confronting Freedom Master about his delusion, thereby destroying his happiness; a fabulous nod to House being happy in his delusion about Cuddy before it all shattered. The whole flying scene at the fair--and the terrible aftermath. Again, the look on House's face, the horror and guilt juxtaposed against the sheer joy of flying--just give HL his damn Emmy, K?

8. Following on #7, Nolan refusing to treat House anymore; telling him he'll transfer House to another hospital where House can pull the wool over their eyes as much as he wants. The moment where House finally clues in that this is his last chance--beautifully understated. What a gorgeous nod to House's admission in "Son of Coma Guy" about how he pushes everyone until the breaking point--and now how he realizes, it only breaks him.

9. I wasn't too keen on the cocktail party, though I liked the premise that it was a method for making House learn how to trust people. Practising trust with strangers, people whom he doesn't have to meet again, is far less damaging at this point than the potential risk for rejection by people he cares about. A lovely nod to his inner insecurity, how he sees himself vs how the rest of the world sees him.

10. Topaz Jr, during the cocktail party scene after House and Lydia kiss, jumping around and singing "House has a cru-ush! House has a cru-ush!" :-D

11. House's guilt over Freedom Master. Up to this point he's never fully acknowledged to himself how his actions impact people; if he has acknowledged them, he's always been able to rationalize them. Here he faces the consequence of his action. I'm glad he was uncomfortable--and glad that he was able to man up and apologize honestly and completely.

12. The scene with Nolan's dying father in the hospital. The first time I wondered, like House, why in hell was House there? The second time I realized Nolan was showing House that it was okay to show pain and vulnerability in front of others, and moreso to share it, no matter who you are. Of course House called Nolan out on the consult, though it was sad House insisted on projecting his own rationalization onto Nolan. (Also how awesome that Nolan still pwned House by calling him on the game, too). That House decided to sit with Nolan I thought showed how Nolan was slowly getting through to him.

13. This is what made House and Lydia's subsequent sex scene more meaningful for me the second time round. The first time I watched I thought, oh look, here's the life-affirming sex scene. House crying at the end was unsettling the first time, but in context it was perfect. Here House comes directly from watching Nolan's father die, having made a (reluctant) connection to a fellow human being, to find Lydia upset that bringing Annie's cello did not work as she hoped. He doesn't hide. He reaches out to her*. He holds her, dances with her. I did not find the sex hot--but I did find it incredibly moving, and cathartic, because House finally got it, he finally trusted someone enough, was comfortable enough, to let himself be vulnerable. So, not about sex, but about sheer comfort and connection. Yes.

14. How House knew getting involved with Lydia will only hurt him in the end--and he does it anyway. And survives. And doesn't hide from the pain when it ends. Instead he seeks Nolan out and admits he's hurting.

15. Of course the essential House shows through in this scene when he accuses Nolan of giving him a lollipop when he says he'll write House's letter of recommendation. Oh, House, still not able to recognize that reaching out and sharing his pain is a huge step for him... TBH I think Nolan's offer was premature, but this is House; he's sadly meant to be blind to his distorted self-thinking.

16. House's face-plant into the cake. Mmmm, tastes like lemon. :-D

17. That House felt comfortable enough to hug Dr. Beasley and Alvie in front of everyone (the gay joke notwithstanding).

18. The symbolism of the bus scene, of the journey House has taken to his own personal hell and back. The association of the bus with both death and re-birth.

19. House stole Alvie's happy face shirt!

Other, more general notes and impressions:

20. Lydia--I want to say I liked her, but she felt more like a plot device than a person. I did like that that House was able to connect to her in a supportive, non-judgmental environment, if that makes any sense. I thought the speed with which House formed his relationship with her, fit right in with my dearly-held conviction that he is a closet romantic.

21. I wanted to like Alvie, too, but he got on my nerves more than anything. I did like the parallel of Alvie's gift to House's--also, the parallel of what happens when that gift falters, as it did in the talent show scene. I liked that House caught Alvie instead of letting him hang out to dry--and that their working together in the rap made for a greater whole.

22. Who else noticed that "Alvie" is an anagram of "alive"? Or is that too obvious to bother mentioning?

23. I've been poking around and reading other people's reactions, how "Broken" reminded them of 12 Monkeys, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Girl, Interrupted. I got a vibe of The Bell Jar. Maybe because the tough yet sympathetic psychiatrist in The Bell Jar was also named Dr. Nolan. :-)

24. Also, how people thought the patients all represented facets of House's personality, with which I agree wholeheartedly.

25. The Annie-getting-her-voice-back subplot was too movie-of-the-week for my taste. Though I did think it was sweet that Freedom Master "freed" Annie's voice, that he got to be the hero, as broken as he was.

Man, I could probably write a novel here. So, the premiere, has its flaws, but was satisfying all the same. Suffice to say that I am looking forward to the rest of the season, to see how House succeeds and/or fails at addressing his issues. So, bring it on, guys!